Dear Keith,
This is a day I had been looking forward to for a long time. I remember giving you shit about turning 40 like 4 years ago. I gave you shit because you were closer to 40 than 30. You told me to shut up in the loving brotherly way. I thought it was funny that you would be 40 and I'd still be in my 20s. Never did I think it was as big of a deal that you were in your 30s as I was in my teens. But 40 seemed soooo old!
You'll never turn 40, instead your memory is frozen at 38. I don't get to have fun poking fun at you and your graying hair and your aging self. I think it is funny that all of these pictures have been posted and are posted, because you'd be all pissy about it!
We love cake in our family! I am peaking from behind at that cake!
A classic Keith face!
I don't know if I am off to the side excited that it is your birthday or that cake!
Like I said we like cake in our family...
More cake!
This was probably a smile and that belly laugh...
My bow looks good on Keith!
We were all excited for Keith's birthday...or the fact that there was probably cake...
I don't think Keith's pants are high enough!
Keith I miss you so much! I miss your goofy ways and I miss your laugh. I miss you in ways I didn't even think possible. I have such a sense of guilt for not knowing you in the way that all of your friends did. I feel like I missed out on knowing someone pretty damn awesome! I knew you, and I knew that I always had you in my corner, but I didn't know you on a personal level.
I looked up to you so much. You can even tell that in all of these pictures. I am always lurking in the background, just wanting to be close to you...or maybe it was the cake. I was always trying to be cool around you, I wanted you to think I was cool. Typical little sister syndrome.
How is it possible that just last week, was 18 months that you have been gone. It is just not fair. I still find it difficult to grasp that you are really gone. There are days that I feel like I feel every second of those 18 months, and there are times when it feels like just yesterday my phone rang to that unbearable news.
Keith I still struggle with the reason. Why? Why are you not here? Why am I not able to text you at midnight to wish you a Happy 40th Birthday! 40 used to seem so old, but now it seems so young. You should be here to celebrate this day. Yet you aren't here. You aren't turning another year older. Instead there will be many beers drank in your name, with some pour out for you. There will be tears...deal with it, we miss you. There will be laughs at your crazy antics. While we all just wish that it was you drinking that beer, telling some crazy story, laughing so hard the tears were streaming down your face.
What I would give for just one more time to hear a story of yours and that laugh of yours. It still isn't fair, and I still have a lot of questions. Mostly the question is why.
I miss you Keith Gregory! Happy 40th Birthday! Spend a little time with each of us today, as we take the time to remember in our own ways. We all miss you, and our lives do not feel complete. I live each day to make you proud. I live my live with no regrets. I want to make sure that each day is spent in a way that means something. I want each day to count, just in case it is my last. I want to make sure I tell everyone what they mean to me.
You are loved and missed every single day!
Your Little Sister,
Nikki
