Dear Keith,
I don't really write often...I haven't written since your anniversary day. I think of you often...daily...and some days I really miss you. Sometimes it is the most random thing that reminds me of you. Sometimes whatever it is makes me smile, sometimes it makes me sad.
Keith, you are so missed. Yesterday I thought about you. It was heather's birthday...she's 28...I still can't get over how at such young ages we have to do things without you. But I was thinking about the year that you called her on April 21st, a full week early. You called and wished her a Happy Birthday, totally believing that it was her birthday. We have always competed about everything among us siblings and for some reason we started competing on who would say happy birthday first. So we used to joke that you wanted to get in first so you called a week early, when in reality your calendar told it was her birthday. That memory yesterday made me smile.
Next month is going to be hard...Chris is getting married...and you should be there. You were supposed to be Chris' best man. We were supposed to have these pictures with all of us in them. Instead you won't be there standing with all of us as Chris gets married. You won't be in the pictures. It is going to be difficult. And so bittersweet. Because we will be celebrating Chris and Anne, and the kids...but so very much missing you.
I know it probably isn't healthy, but I have a countdown on my phone...it tells me how many days since you left us. 947 days. Keith 947 days. Never did I picture that when I turn 30 this summer, that we will have gone over 1000 days without you. It all seems so unreal.
Living 9 hours away from home, makes it easy to forget that you are gone. I do not live with the constant reminder that you are missing from life. So every time I go home it is like this ugly reminder. I find myself wanting to talk to you or see you. To tell you a story or a joke. To ask a question about something. I hates those ugly reminders. I hate that you are gone.
It is so weird telling people about my brother and the awesome guy that he was, seems so weird to say it in the past tense. I mean it has been over two and a half years and it is still weird.
I feel sometimes like I have to be strong and I can't express when I really miss you. Today for some reason I really miss you.
Well that was what I really wanted to say Keith, I wanted to say I miss you. And as always I love you, and wish I would have told you that more when you were here.
Love Always,
Your Little Sister,
Nikki
