Thanks for visiting me the other morning in my dream. I didn't know how much I needed that hug. Hugs were never something we did often. In fact I believe the last time I hugged you was Christmas Day 2009 when Nanny Rankin passed away. I remember seeing the tears glisten your eyes, and the tight embrace. It was a rough day for all of us, but for you and Chris in particular she was your natural grandmother, but she always thought of heather and I as her grandkids too.
In that dream it was a family gathering and you looked like there were tears in your eyes again, and you held me tight. I remember saying that you were losing weight and to keep going. I looked over at heather and she just shook her head. I think this is because part of me is still in denial that you are gone. I think it will all go away, but this time that won't happen. This is forever our lives, you are gone. And I am just not ready to grasp that.
Never the less the hug was a true blessing, I really felt like you were there holding tight and telling me that things are going to be okay. The tears in your eyes this time were I think because you couldn't truly be here with us. I think you miss us as much as we miss you. Life isn't fair and you are supposed to be here.
Like I have said I am not sure what I believe, but visit more in my dreams. I miss those family times. You, Chris, heather, me, Mom and Aunt Jackie. We were an odd bunch, but deep down we were a tight knit family. The laughter that we laughed was pure and genuine. The tears we cried were real. The fights we had were full of passion. And above all we shared a never-ending love. I will never stop loving you as my big brother. I still have two older brothers. You still having meaning in my life. You will never be forgotten.
I miss you Keith so much. Sometimes my grief overcomes me and I just cry. I cry because of missed memories. We still had a lot of memories to make. Rest easy up there big brother. You deserve everlasting peace.
Love Always,
Nikki
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