Keith-Tonight in the dining hall some students were talking about how Santa came to visit on the fire truck, and it didn't hit me...not until we walked outside and right in front of me was a fire truck decked out in lights with a Santa on top waving at me. I literally stopped in my track and just broke down in tears.
Christmas was one of your favorite times of the year. I remember looking for those lights that are on your helmet in the picture over there. You got excited over silly shit like that. And I loved it.
I used to look forward to Santa with the fire truck when I was a kid, who knew that one day it would make me bawl like a baby. I miss you, and most days this doesn't seem real. I still feel like you are going to be there for Christmas...I caught myself thinking about what I would buy you for Christmas.
It hurts every day. I still ask why. I don't understand. I wish there was an answer. I wish there was some reason. I wish I knew. We all miss you so much. Christmas just isn't the same. Someone starting playing Christmas music last night and I just couldn't bare it. I keep thinking about the Christmas Story, your favorite Christmas movie and how I have avoided watching it for as long as I can remember. Now I feel like I want to watch the marathon on Christmas, because I feel like watching it will be like watching it with you. I miss you...life seems so different now. You made quite an impact on all of us.
Thinking of you today and always, I love you big brother.
Love Always,
Nikki
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