This makes it feel real...

Dear Keith,

I heard the other day that your headstone was in, and this morning I went over to see it. This makes it so much more real. I still struggle daily that this is real life, and that you are really gone, but this makes it so much more real. Your name is on that stone, how can it be? The stone looks good though Keith, really good. I like that your bunker is on the back, that is so fitting. I know that you are still with us but I just wish you were here physically. I miss you so much.

I am trying really hard to keep us all together. I felt you with us on Christmas day, and it was a good one. It felt like how Christmas used to be. We really appreciated time spent with family, it wasn't about the gifts, we opened them one by one and all appreciated each and every gift. We took time to see what everyone got. My gift was one of the first gifts opened, I got a camera Keith. I am going to try to fill that aspect of you. I took pics Christmas morning, but I am no where near your level yet. I am going to try.

We also played a game I got for Christmas called The Logo Game, and Keith we laughed so hard to were crying. There was a mix of tears and sadness, and laughter and joy. We couldn't have went through the day without a few tears, because we miss you so much. There is a huge hole in our lives. I felt you with us during that game, and I had a pang of sadness because I just wanted to hear your belly laugh, because boy were we laughing.

We started a guess what will be a new tradition, we went over to the cemetery. Well actually to two, went came to visit you first, and then over to Nan's grave. We wanted to make sure you got your stocking. So we brought it along and we emptied out the contents. I mean we didn't fill it with what you normally got, I didn't think you needed any body wash or deodorant. Your stocking had snuff, tea, cookies and of course your apple and orange. Your headstone wasn't up yet, it went up shortly after Christmas. Oh and we put a wreath on, because Christmas was your favorite holiday. I promise now that your headstone is up, I will decorate for Christmas next year, and I will go all out. There will be lights and a wreath.

I am trying to make sure I keep your memory alive Keith Gregory. I am making sure to do what I can, and carry on your memory. I hope more than anything that I make you proud. I am trying really hard, and I know that I am not yet fully dealing with this, but I will take the time, I promise. I needed to make sure we made it through the holidays, I needed to make sure you being gone didn't rip apart the family. I knew that we needed to have Christmas and we needed to do it right. I love you Keith, and I miss you every single day.

Love Always,

Your Little Sister,

Nikki