So I will be in Lancaster in less than 12 hours, and I am looking forward to it, yet dreading it at the same time. You see here in Jersey, it doesn't seem real. It seems like a bad dream. When I come home, it is real again. You are really gone. I just can't seem to grasp that yet. I know I say the same thing over and over again. I just don't understand. I don't know that I ever will understand.
I know when I go home I am going to look down your street when I am over at Aunt Jackie's. I know I am going to look for your truck. I know when I pass Alley Kat I am going to look to see if you are there. I still haven't come to terms with the fact that those things aren't possible ever again.
This just seems surreal. People always say that one day can change your life. Little did I know that Sept 25, 2011 would forever change my world. And change my world in ways I never realized possible. My life will never be the same. It doesn't seem possible that a single day just a few short months ago could change my life. I wish I could go back to Sept 24th, and knew to tell you I loved you. I can't believe the last time I saw you was in August. I missed a whole month of your life, and the last month. I never thought the life changing day would happen this soon.
I miss you Keith. I think of you often. I try to go about my days with a smile on my face and just living out each moment. There are days when it is really impossible to get out of bed. Or nights when I stay up crying. I still feel this emptiness and I don't think it will ever go away.
Love Always,
Your Little Sister,
Nikki
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