Today I am a mix of emotions. I'm still sad every day. I just can't believe it to be true. Today I found myself happier than I have been in a long while...yet there was a sadness behind it. You see I am pretty sure I know the man I am going to marry. You haven't had a chance to meet him yet...and now I'm sad because you won't be able to interrogate him like I know you would have. I have always imagined you and Chris, playing good cop, bad cop. Obviously you'd be bad cop. I'm sad at thinking about what should be the happiest time in my life, and how you won't be a part of it. He point blank told me today that he wants to marry me, and I was so happy yet sad. This just isn't fair. Well I will wait for my sign from above of what you think. I know you'll send a sign.
Tears slide down my face today, and I couldn't help it. My heart still aches. I feel an emptiness in each and every day. I hope to one day feel strength to make it through every day. If you had any hand from up there in helping to make my love come home to me, thank you. Even if you didn't I am going to believe you did.
I love you big brother. I am trying to find strength in each day. I look for you every day in the sky, and I feel like I see you. This is so damn hard to grasp...you are really gone. It's still not real.
Love your little sister,
Nikki
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